Q and A is your opportunity to ask questions regarding the Bible, church, or just about anything regarding Christian faith and life. Submit questions on the response form in your bulletin or E-mail the Church Office.
When my husband comes home and is tired after work... it's hard to have physical intimacy and feel connected. What do I do?
Q. When my husband comes home and is tired after work, I have been home with little ones all day. He doesn't want to talk, and that's all I want to do is talk with him and share my thoughts and feelings and my day. It hurts me and then he wants intimacy and I don't want it at all. I feel so emotionally cut off from him and so it's hard to have physical intimacy and feel connected. What do I do?
A. This is a very common issue in marriage. It is important to remember that men and women are sexually and emotionally wired completely differently. This is not an excuse for a man to be insensitive to his wife, but most men feel sex is a great way to connect with their wife, (and may be very ready to talk afterwards) and most wives feel they need to be connected verbally and emotionally to their husbands before even considering sex. Do you see the dilemma? Some one (hopefully both) need to love sacrificially. It is important to express our needs to one another, and also take pro active practical steps.
I believe that if men could remember that women need time to talk they would have more sex with their wife. One thing that might be helpful is to make plans together for date nights even if you are not leaving the house. This way both of you can plan on spending time together and purposefully and mentally anticipate what the date will bring. To do this, most of us have to make lots of arrangements, getting kids to bed and so on. It is so easy to get caught in a rut in marriage, but we have to be strategic and get that quality time on the calendar. This may not sound very romantic or spontaneous, but the principal of sewing and reaping applies. Work hard to plan and create atmosphere for intimacy instead of just expecting it to happen. Some times our expectations about these things can be very unrealistic and we become disappointed and distant with our spouse.